On Friends and Family
Phil is a really great roommate to have. Not only does he clean dishes about 90% of the time, he also is a pretty insightful person and really helps me iron out ideas about myself and others.
Yesterday, Jessica, Judy, Phil, Ivan, Christine and myself were all over at "the place" doing our thing and watching the game. Philip as usual was upstairs not participating in the gaming festivities seeing as he would rather send his rectum through a meat grinder than sit through sixty minutes of hockey.
Philip aside, Christine was also missing out as she was downstairs on her lonesome playing everyone's favourite MMO, the World of Warcraft.
Ok, so the game ends and five of us, (all but Christine) go out for jokes and BBT.
So the question arises, "why didn't Christine join us?" So I call her to say hi, she doesn't answer, but then calls back to let me know she is upstairs watching the rest of the game.
We are all left really confused that when we all finally left that she would be interested in watching hockey. So I did a little sleuth work and asked her what was wrong.
Well, a long story short, Christine in spite of all her parents short-comings has a family close at hand and has a secure network.
Those of us who left that evening do not. Some have close family geographically (ie. me) who doesn't get along with them at all, and there are those who have close family emotionally, but don't get to see them often.
What this lead to was me wondering what exactly my friends mean to me. Upon further review, (with Philip's guidance) I have come to the conclusion that some of the friends I have fill voids that were/are completely absent from my life that was never provided for in my immediate family. I took this idea to Christine and she confirmed that between myself and her family she feels like she needs no one. For me, if my friends were to leave me, I would be crushed, they are the what holds me together, and I guess in a way it really sucks. Why does it suck? Because it needs to work both ways. Family will always house you and cloth you if you are in the direst of needs, I know I would do this for my closest friends without even having to bat an eyelash. However, I don't know if that love is requited. It leaves me really insecure in knowing my family doesn't have any of my blood to make a bond. It really sucks knowing that in five years time they all may be off doing their own different things and that I might have no one.
Phil called me creepy when I told him I wanted a picture of him, Jess and Christine on my my tallboy/sideboard/computer desk when I am at Western, but I know now that he understands that it would be the equivelant of most people having a mom, dad and sister there.
Weird, weird me. I'm not even sure where I am going with this.
In short, I love my friends, too much for my own good.
Yesterday, Jessica, Judy, Phil, Ivan, Christine and myself were all over at "the place" doing our thing and watching the game. Philip as usual was upstairs not participating in the gaming festivities seeing as he would rather send his rectum through a meat grinder than sit through sixty minutes of hockey.
Philip aside, Christine was also missing out as she was downstairs on her lonesome playing everyone's favourite MMO, the World of Warcraft.
Ok, so the game ends and five of us, (all but Christine) go out for jokes and BBT.
So the question arises, "why didn't Christine join us?" So I call her to say hi, she doesn't answer, but then calls back to let me know she is upstairs watching the rest of the game.
We are all left really confused that when we all finally left that she would be interested in watching hockey. So I did a little sleuth work and asked her what was wrong.
Well, a long story short, Christine in spite of all her parents short-comings has a family close at hand and has a secure network.
Those of us who left that evening do not. Some have close family geographically (ie. me) who doesn't get along with them at all, and there are those who have close family emotionally, but don't get to see them often.
What this lead to was me wondering what exactly my friends mean to me. Upon further review, (with Philip's guidance) I have come to the conclusion that some of the friends I have fill voids that were/are completely absent from my life that was never provided for in my immediate family. I took this idea to Christine and she confirmed that between myself and her family she feels like she needs no one. For me, if my friends were to leave me, I would be crushed, they are the what holds me together, and I guess in a way it really sucks. Why does it suck? Because it needs to work both ways. Family will always house you and cloth you if you are in the direst of needs, I know I would do this for my closest friends without even having to bat an eyelash. However, I don't know if that love is requited. It leaves me really insecure in knowing my family doesn't have any of my blood to make a bond. It really sucks knowing that in five years time they all may be off doing their own different things and that I might have no one.
Phil called me creepy when I told him I wanted a picture of him, Jess and Christine on my my tallboy/sideboard/computer desk when I am at Western, but I know now that he understands that it would be the equivelant of most people having a mom, dad and sister there.
Weird, weird me. I'm not even sure where I am going with this.
In short, I love my friends, too much for my own good.
posted by Dennis M | 7:12 PM
5 Comments:
That's funny, I always feel like my friends don't need me. I've kind of gotten used to it now; but it still sucks when I go home and try to arrange get-togethers and people don't show without truly valid reasons not to (I would totally go see someone I hadn't seen in 4 months if this was the only opportunity to, and my biggest hurdle was being tired).
I don't really need people, in the sense that if something happens and I lose all contact with them, I'll keep on living. That won't stop the heart from pumping blood, or the diaphragm from keeping me breathing, or the clock from ticking. But it would be a lonely and utterly depressing existence, and I might be dead due to me killing myself (which would I guess be an indirect cause, but not a direct one).
But I want them around. That's the difference. I'd be dead emotionally if the ones I loved weren't there.
I hope Christine at least wants us around.
I personally haven't reached a limit on the number of people I want around. Which is a problem because life happens, and it's impossible to be near everyone at the same time -- especially when there are so many who mean so much to me. I think it's hard to find a limit, when there are so many different kinds of people out there; it's so hard to find a complete, finite set. I don't think I will (and I hope I won't) ever reach a point where I'm simply satisfied where I am -- I'd like to be happy, but I'd like to also continue to meet other people and get their lives tangled up in mine. (even though i suck at making friends right off the bat.) Having a secure network is nice and safe, but I wouldn't want it to become stagnant and lose the desire to keep changing.
Well even if Christine won't miss us that much when she's gone, we'll miss her. I'll miss her.
(and you :P don't worry so much about people not missing you. you will be sorely sorely missed!)
Oh, young Jessica! Fledgling elf! If only I were 20 again and could talk of relatonship expansion and ways to grow socially.
I am old! Things that concern me are establishing my small intimate network and having them around for the major challenges that lie ahead.
Career, kids, home-ownership, backyard ice rinks, etc.
Damn you and your youth!
When did you start feeling old like that? Cause I know I want a family and kids... but I honestly don't see myself wanting to settle down anytime soon. Like... anytime soon. I can't see it from here at least.
I think I started feeling old like this sometime this past 2 months.
Not only are all you youngins still in school and I am out, (for now), but also I am just ready emotionally and mentally to have someone dependent on me.
Trust me, when I was your age I wasn't even sure I'd want kids, period.
Ideas changes, emotions change, people change. I am just eatin' this idea up right now, though.
oh no, dennis' clock is ticking!!!
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