Lonesome
For some reason I feel brutally alone today. I asked Erin at work if she ever feels that way working a late shift, and she answered, "sometimes it makes me even want to cry."
At least I am not the only one.
I am really dying to get some hobbies started. I was thinking of maybe picking up a cheap digital camera and taking some pictures. Nothing too fancy, or anything that would come close to breaking the bank. Just something I could use to upload pics and keep myself busy so my mind doesn't wander.
I really just don't feel particularily missed right about now, and that is a really shitty feeling. In spite of everyone saying its sad to see me go to London, I just don't really feel it...
I don't want to seem petty, and that I am grabbing for sympathy, but there is something truly painful when you realize your departure will be somewhat unremarkable to your friends and family. My father and mother seldom talk to me at all, Christine and I are stuck in the twilight zone right now, Phil has shit on his own plate, Judy is really busy with school, and Jessica has fallin' off the face of the earth.
I really need to look into getting that hobby... If the photo thing doesn't work out, maybe I will rent an eliptical machine, or bite the bullet and take cello lessons instead of double-bass (which I was actually looking forward to trying, but finding an instructer is near impossible).
Also as much as I really love World of Warcraft, I think I am beginning to come to the point that in spite of how fun it is, it isn't particularily fulfilling. If Christine does come to Toronto or London, I will definately quit, the only way I would keep playing is in a desperate attempt to keep connected to Christine somehow if she stayed in Vancouver.
I really wanna get busy in London, I am going to buy a bike like.. first thing, and ride FUCKING EVERYWHERE. Something that can get through the snow... I won't have a car and I don't know the city at all, so it'll totally help in getting around.
I really wish someone would pick up their phone so I can just say hi for Pete's sake.
At least I am not the only one.
I am really dying to get some hobbies started. I was thinking of maybe picking up a cheap digital camera and taking some pictures. Nothing too fancy, or anything that would come close to breaking the bank. Just something I could use to upload pics and keep myself busy so my mind doesn't wander.
I really just don't feel particularily missed right about now, and that is a really shitty feeling. In spite of everyone saying its sad to see me go to London, I just don't really feel it...
I don't want to seem petty, and that I am grabbing for sympathy, but there is something truly painful when you realize your departure will be somewhat unremarkable to your friends and family. My father and mother seldom talk to me at all, Christine and I are stuck in the twilight zone right now, Phil has shit on his own plate, Judy is really busy with school, and Jessica has fallin' off the face of the earth.
I really need to look into getting that hobby... If the photo thing doesn't work out, maybe I will rent an eliptical machine, or bite the bullet and take cello lessons instead of double-bass (which I was actually looking forward to trying, but finding an instructer is near impossible).
Also as much as I really love World of Warcraft, I think I am beginning to come to the point that in spite of how fun it is, it isn't particularily fulfilling. If Christine does come to Toronto or London, I will definately quit, the only way I would keep playing is in a desperate attempt to keep connected to Christine somehow if she stayed in Vancouver.
I really wanna get busy in London, I am going to buy a bike like.. first thing, and ride FUCKING EVERYWHERE. Something that can get through the snow... I won't have a car and I don't know the city at all, so it'll totally help in getting around.
I really wish someone would pick up their phone so I can just say hi for Pete's sake.
posted by Dennis M | 8:22 PM
1 Comments:
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be unreachable or just in communicado in general. Although sometimes that happens without me realizing it. Also, I'm beginning to think I actually do suffer from pms, which I didn't think I did (at least, no one's ever really told me I was being particularly bitchy so I assumed I wasn't) but I think I've just realized that I actually do suffer from it, only I hate feeling bitchy and don't like being around other people when I am because I'm afraid I'll say/do something rather mean and will only regret it later, so I hole myself away more than normal and just don't feel like talking to anyone.
And I was in class and I'm stupid and still don't know to check for voice messages so I just got it and, well, it's a little late to call now. But HI!
And you will be missed. Honestly, though they try, no one gives a good Jessica-beating like you do. But just because people aren't making such a big deal doesn't mean no one cares, I really hope (and would think) you know & feel this. You know that this is an amazing opportunity for you; this is what you've been wanting, so everyone is trying to be really happy and supportive of you. Being sad and depressed that you're leaving, when it won't be for quite a few more months, can only prompt more sadness and depression, and really we should be celebrating your accomplishments and congratulating you. It won't be the same that you're not here, but your friends wouldn't be real friends if they made you start to regret your decision simply because they'd miss having you around. We're not losing you permanently (we better not be!, or at least that part's not for sure yet), and this will be good for you in the long run, so I think people are willing to have solely online contact with you for a while if it means that everything will work out in the end.
Just wait until we throw you a going away party. Then we'll have fun and all get depressed together. If it makes you feel any better, you know how big a sap I am and I can tell you right now I will cry when you leave.
Even though I'll be seeing you in only 4 months when I fly over for Christmas! Hopefully Christine will fly over there instead of having you fly back over here, and we can do stuff in Ontario. I'm already telling myself I want to go skate on the Rideau Canal for New Year's. Do something completely and utterly Canadian. Even though it probably won't happen because people are too busy and broke that time of year to organize a trip like that. But I'm already looking forward to it.
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