A veritable potpurri of emotion

Well, it's been a bizarre week. I had two "breakdowns" on the way to work day involving me crying over absolutely nothing... Imagine seeing a guy my size in his Canucks jersey just randomly shedding tears while going to work.

Weird image? Eh?

Well what can I say? I am someone who is fixated and borderline obsessive in concern for the future. However, I never dwell on the past. So it generally makes me a hyperanxious yet easy-going person!

Weird combo!

I am just a weird person, I am generally unhappy right now. I have a job people would kill for, yet the monotony of it is enough to put me into a depression. I play video games all day long and get paid $17.35 for it, and am still unappeased. I would hate myself if I didn't already know what I was going through.

I really want to get back to school. As a worrier in general, the more idle time I have for my brain the more worrying I can do, and with the more worrying comes the anxiety.

I guess that's why although everyone wlese was freaking out from stress from Cuts for Cancer I was pretty happy, I just like helping out and having tasks that save me from myself.

On a sidenote, I would like to thank Philip for coming out and chatting and having a few beers with me, and Jessica for being in her jammies when we both got back and just hanging with us.

That simple chill session was the most relaxing time I have had since being in Hawaii.

You two are very special indeed. Super bestest friends I have ever had.

Anyways, I am going to go back to worrying and obsessing and getting paid for video gaming. Woe is me!

Rejected from UBC

Well, the 90% chance of going to UWO quickly became 100% with a rejection letter from UBC coming in the mail this morning.

Oh well, fuck those guys! :D Just a little pride scarring.

Anyways, still excited to go out east.

Two aspirin and call me in the morning...

Wow, amazing what modern medicine can do... that and a long heart-to-heart with someone.

I feel a lot better, still not 100% but was less angsty. Ill sont super cool!

Edit:

Got back from a long bike ride, and I have to say it felt really good. Hopefully I will be able to get up tomorrow and do the same thing.

I don't have work for 7 hours and I'm already tired. :O Maybe a nap is in order.

Post Edit edit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8x-URiGVlo&mode=related&search= So frickin' cute, omg. <3 href="">/">

Male PMS

Women are famous for PMSing and making everyone around them cower in perpetual fear lest said woman lash out and kill whoever dare to cross them.

I am having my own form of PMS today. Panic-stricken Male Syndrome... or at least that's what it feels like. I do not know precisely what is wrong with me. Everything is fine, but today has just tanked. I have really no idea what I want out of the next five months and I don't know what anyone wants from me. Riddled with uncertainty and over-thinking, I am constantly sweating about problems that may not even exist.

I really want to get out of Vancouver for a while.

Maybe I'll leave to Western regardless of what happens in UBC, I think I just need a fresh start somewhere, I am just suffocating myself and I am just unable to make myself happy. If I do decide to go to UBC, I think I will still leave work a month early and go somewhere to unwind. I am so tense, my back is so sore, and I just feel like doo-doo in general.

To make matters worse, I am not feeling particularily useful to anyone. Hopefully that poster-board will keep me busy.

The curveball..

So I was speaking to Nicole from the work today. She is a SLAIS student currently enrolled at UBC and she works part-time at IKB as a student assistant.

Short of it is, she told me that UBC will get back to me by April 1st, which isn't as excruciatingly long as I firs thought, AND, they added a shit load of new courses for September 2007, and almost all of them in the field of study I desire.

So instead of having an entire program essentially vs. comfort zone of Vancouver, it's now one or two courses, vs. comfort zone of Vancouver.

Living in Vancouver will be cheaper given the situation I am in, BUT, being away from Christine's parents for a short,... or long while, never hurt anyone... especially me.

Choices, choices....

Lonesome

For some reason I feel brutally alone today. I asked Erin at work if she ever feels that way working a late shift, and she answered, "sometimes it makes me even want to cry."

At least I am not the only one.

I am really dying to get some hobbies started. I was thinking of maybe picking up a cheap digital camera and taking some pictures. Nothing too fancy, or anything that would come close to breaking the bank. Just something I could use to upload pics and keep myself busy so my mind doesn't wander.

I really just don't feel particularily missed right about now, and that is a really shitty feeling. In spite of everyone saying its sad to see me go to London, I just don't really feel it...

I don't want to seem petty, and that I am grabbing for sympathy, but there is something truly painful when you realize your departure will be somewhat unremarkable to your friends and family. My father and mother seldom talk to me at all, Christine and I are stuck in the twilight zone right now, Phil has shit on his own plate, Judy is really busy with school, and Jessica has fallin' off the face of the earth.

I really need to look into getting that hobby... If the photo thing doesn't work out, maybe I will rent an eliptical machine, or bite the bullet and take cello lessons instead of double-bass (which I was actually looking forward to trying, but finding an instructer is near impossible).

Also as much as I really love World of Warcraft, I think I am beginning to come to the point that in spite of how fun it is, it isn't particularily fulfilling. If Christine does come to Toronto or London, I will definately quit, the only way I would keep playing is in a desperate attempt to keep connected to Christine somehow if she stayed in Vancouver.

I really wanna get busy in London, I am going to buy a bike like.. first thing, and ride FUCKING EVERYWHERE. Something that can get through the snow... I won't have a car and I don't know the city at all, so it'll totally help in getting around.

I really wish someone would pick up their phone so I can just say hi for Pete's sake.